the past month of poetry

In the order that they were written:

SILENCE IS BEAUTIFUL

You can call me a liar
cause thats what I was
an overcompensation
of whispered words

cause in my heart
I knew it was a dream
I'm not cautious
so this is what I get oh

youre not the first
and you wont be the last
so trusting with your hearts
and i shatter them like glass

and I am so damn careless
you know, and then I watch
completely callous to it all

so this is it
Im sorry I lied
those whispered words
sounded so right at the time

a thousand glass
daggars sting me
they are my words
silence looks so pretty..


MOUNTAINS

I trekked through the mountains of Mexico
in silence and solitude
tears staining the ground as I walked
planting seeds of sorrow and regret
breathing in a different air
just trying to forget

I can say you never knew me
no lover of mine really has
My core is a solitary animal
that just allows itself to get attached
every once in a little while
every once in a little while

Oh and what is this dull ache
I feel everytime any strangers kiss
brushes against my lips
like someone pressing on a bruise
pressure on a wound
but I know itll just bleed again

YOU + ME = THE MOST UNPERFECT STORM

If I had to draw a picture
of what it was that we were
it'd be the spiraling tip of a tornado
drilling into one another
destroying and breaking anything interfering with its path

The depth in which I allowed you to penetrate
frightens me - for seldom I{ve found
my own epicenter so profound

I brought the heat to your cold front
and we spun and spun
dancing precociously on fault lines

If I had to draw a picture
of the destruction left in your wake
itd encompass the emptiness
necessary to rebuild a badly
constructed city whose architects
never understood the importance of foundation.

For this, I thank you.

YOUR COLD SHOULDER

This cold shoulder
Two years later
A constant reminder of my mistakes
And I can stand shivering
For a pretty long time
I haven’t felt like being touched
In months anyway
But there are these men
They walk around in their suits
Buy me a drink and then
Wanna hold my hips
like
They could hold me down
When they are barely listening to my lips
And I don’t say what I mean to anyway
My words just float past people’s ears
Unless I’m saying what they want to hear
And I know the point of this is just to
Feed me lines and flattery so sweet
Until I’m swollen and bloated
And then they can stick their teeth into me
And so I stick to water instead
While not really listening
unless
It’s what I want to hear
So I try your cold shoulder
Cause it’s a nice change
I miss your voice and I only call
Just to hear it on the machine
While my silence at the beep
Speaks more accurately of me
Than I ever could

I am shivering in June but getting used to the chill
Because, my baby, you set the standard
And I’ve got to say it’s pretty high up there

this article just pissed me off

How are these jobs the 25 best paying jobs for women if the most a woman can make here is 86.6% of what men make?

It's fuckin ridiculous that we are in 2010 and that we still have these strong pay disparities. I guess women's lib didn't catch up with our paychecks. I've got to get back to work...

http://www.theworkbuzz.com/employment/best-paying-jobs-for-women/

25 best-paying jobs for women
By Kate Lorenz on May 4, 2010 in Employment, Featured, Salary
When you look at Forbes magazine’s most recent list of highest-paid CEO’s (chief executives of the 500 biggest companies in the United States), you won’t see a woman until No. 48: Irene B Rosenfeld, CEO of Kraft Foods. In a country where women make up 47 percent of the workforce, 3 percent of Fortune 500 CEO’s are female. In addition, women who worked full time earned an average of just 80 percent of what men earned in the same positions in 2008, according to the BLS.

But is salary disparity between genders the issue or is it something else?

In the Harvard Business Review blog, Avivah Wittenberg-Cox wrote: “Women represent one of the world’s biggest and most under-reported opportunities. The business world has been so focused on stories like the rise of China that it has not been invited to see that, much closer to home, business could be reaping the benefits of the rise of women. Companies — and their business school feeders — have been slow in adapting and profiting from this shift, and part of the reason is that media too often focus on small, sensational and misleading parts of the story, including aspects like the wage gap.”

Catalyst’s February 2010 Pipeline’s Broken Promise report examining high potential graduates from top business schools around the world found that, even after taking into account experience, industry and region, women start at lower levels than men, make on average $4,600 less in their initial jobs, and continue to be outpaced by men in rank and salary growth. Only when women begin their post-MBA career at mid-management or above do they achieve parity in position with men — a situation that accounted for only 10 percent of the women and 19 percent of the men surveyed.

Whatever the cause, the BLS reports there are only a handful of occupations where women’s earnings are equal to or exceed men’s including construction and extraction occupations; special education teachers; installation, maintenance and repair occupations; life, physical and social science technicians; and counselors.

We wanted to know, what jobs pay women the most money? Here are 25 jobs where women earn $1000 a week or more, according to the BLS, and how those wages compare to their male counterparts’.

Pharmacists
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,647
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,914
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 86.1%

Chief executives
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,603
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,999
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 80.2%

Lawyers
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,509
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,875
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 80.5%

Computer software engineers
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,351
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,555
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 86.9%

Computer and information systems managers
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,260
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,641
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 76.8%

Physicians and surgeons
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,230
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,911
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 64.4%

Management analysts
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,139
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,391
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 81.9%

Human resources managers
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,137
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,433
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 79.3%

Speech-language pathologists
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,124
Men – Median weekly earnings: *
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: **

Computer and mathematical occupations
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,088
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,320
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 82.4%

Computer scientists and systems analysts
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,082
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,240
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 87.3%

Physician assistants
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,077
Men – Median weekly earnings: **
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: **

Medical and health services managers
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,066
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,504
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 70.9%

Physical scientists, all other
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,061
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,535
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 69.1%

Postsecondary teachers
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,056
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,245
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 84.8%

Marketing and sales managers
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,024
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,601
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 64%

Physical therapists
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,019
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,329
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 76.7%

Occupational therapists
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,016
Men – Median weekly earnings: **
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: **

Registered nurses
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,011
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,168
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 86.6%

Managers, all other
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,010
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,359
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 74.3%

Psychologists
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,004
Men – Median weekly earnings: **
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: **

Computer programmers
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,003
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,261
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 79.5%

Architecture and engineering occupations
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,001
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,286
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 77.8%

Advertising and promotions managers
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,000
Men – Median weekly earnings: **
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: **

Education administrators
Women – Median weekly earnings: $1,000
Men – Median weekly earnings: $1,398
Women’s earnings as percent of men’s in same occupation: 71.5%

What do you think? Do you agree or disagree? Are males and females paid the same at your organization?
*No data or data that do not meet publication criteria.

** Data not shown where the male employment base is less than 50,000.

I know it's been a while..

I ate.

I had an orange. I feel so full. I made myself some veggie broth with 5 carrots. I'm stuffed--I feel like I sat down to a five course meal.

Of course, I'm the worst at breaking the fast. I did 13 days. I lost 15 pounds. I could have gone longer but I was really missing eating and having some sort of social life (which is pretty damn hard when you aren't eating or drinking).

What have I come away with:
I think this fast really accelerated me dealing with a lot of emotional issues. I gained a lot of clarity and perspective and I made a promise to take care of Jen first. No one is going to come between my excellent relationship with myself. I'm glad I did this when I did because it boosted my confidence and I feel very in control of myself and of my body. My energy is flowing again instead of this depressed stagnation I was in.

I got the keys to my new place today. I can't wait to move in.

I've been feeling really good lately. I'm amazed at my own sheer strength and capacity to deal with the recent things thrown into my world as of late. I'm quite proud of myself. Now I just need to sum of the courage to pack up the rest of my things here and finally be done with this temporary home. 5 months of my life here. I'm glad I'm leaving because this place just reminds me of him.

Rainer Maria

A friend who just met me but I think he knows me better than I know myself gave me this book by Rainer Maria Rilke: Letters to a Young Poet. It's one of those books where the words on the page just resonate so much it's almost painful to read, like playing that one song that kills you every time.

I have much to learn from this quote in particular. Enjoy.

Works of art are of an infinite loneliness and with nothing so little to be reached as with critcism. Only love can grasp and hold and be just toward them. Consider yourself and your feeling right every time with regard to such argumentation, discussion or introduction; if you are wrong after all, the natural growth of your inner life will lead you slowly and with time to other insights. Leave to your opinions their own quiet undisturbed development, which, like all progress, must come from deep within and cannot be pressed or hurried by anything. Everything is gestation and then bringing forth. To let each impression and each germ of a feeling come to completion wholly in itself, in the dark, in the inexpressible, the unconscious, beyond the reach of one's own intelligence, and await with deep humility and patience the birth-hour of a new clarity: that alone is living the artist's life: in understanding as in creating.

There is no measuring with time, no year matters, and ten years are nothing. Being an artist means, not reckoning and counting, but ripening like the tree which does not force its sap and stands confident in the storms of spring without the fear that after them may come no summer. It does come. But it comes only to the patient, who are there as though eternity lay before them, so unconcernedly still and wide. I learn it daily, learn it with pain to which I am grateful: patience is everything!

New Moon's in the alley and its madness calls to me

It's 4:30 a.m. and I have been trying to sleep for an hour. I'm going to attribute the restlessness to the fast as I usually am pretty good about sleeping. It's not until later on in the fast that I usually start feeling restless--they say that it's because of your body not using you energy to do digest that you have extra energy. I'm not sure that's true since my body should be using it's energy to cleanse my cells and detox me.


Ah well, guess I'm up for the moment. I did tarot readings for this event called Give Peace a Dance. It's this really awesome event every 1st Saturday of the month. There are drum circles, a fire pit outside (which is my favorite thing there), different healers and readers, thai massage, reiki, dancing, etc.


Anyway, for every single person that came in for a reading I kept pulling out The Moon card from my deck. See the definition for it here. but I have The Goddess Deck so the definition is slightly different. My deck is slightly gentler than other decks and that's part of the reason I enjoy working with it. It's a lot lighter and embued with feminine energy.


The definition for The Moon in this deck is as follows:
The Moon is represented by the Roman Goddess Diana.


"The changing moon reflects the cycles of nature, its light influences all growing things--plants, animals, and humans alike--for better and for worse. Diana reminds us of our connections to these cycles and that, like the moon itself, what is empty will, in time, become full if we are patient.
General Meanings:
The receptive, nurturing aspects. Intense emotions. Vivid or lucid dreams. Intuition. An opportunity to work on your relationship with that which truly nurtures you.
Reversed: Uncomfortable emotional states, uneasiness with intuition, maternal figures, women. Feeling as changeable as the moon..."
-The Goddess Tarot


I felt that even though I was giving other people readings and this card kept coming up it was because there was some sort of global consciousness of unrest at the moment that is causing each of us to either really truly listen to ourselves for guidance amongst the craziness or avoid using our intuition at all costs - which unfortunately was true for most of the people I read for. In many ways I felt like the moon was trying to deliver a message to me that night.


I've been thinking a lot about Our Great Mother and the messages she is trying to deliver to us now. It seems the rapid pace of everything is catching up to us with all the earthquakes and natural disasters that are happening. She's trying to wake us up.


It's 5:16 a.m. on a Monday morning. I'm up.