India and Tigers

I am obsessed with both but only wrote a poem about one.
My affinity with the tigers:

I've been stalking you
in my sleep
like a tigress
watching sheep
you just look so sweet...

Faraway in the country
from the jungles I know
the night may be quiet
but it does not sleep
not like the scheming tigress
counting her sheep.

Do not scorn a weak cub, for she may become a brutal tiger. -Famous Mongolian proverb

I love men

I love men.  I know I never talk about this except for the time when I wished I was a man, but I really truly love men.  

Feminism has nothing to do with men and everything to do with equality.  It’s much more of an egalitarian philosophy rather than a bashing of a particular sex.  I have many male friends that call themselves feminists.  Plus, I love men.  I talk about them all the time.   They are beautiful creatures.

Here are the top ten things I love about the men in my life:

1. They make me think and give me different perspectives
2. They make me laugh until I’m heaving and then make fun of me because I sound like I’m having an asthma attack.
3. They don’t sweat the small stuff and make sure I don’t either.
4. They call me to make sure I’ve checked my old car to see if it has enough oil.
5. They are supportive of my endeavors and try to help me both in my career and personally.
6. They are wonderful friends.  They really know how to listen and are sweet.
7. I’m blessed to have an amazing father and a great older brother that I know are there at the drop of a pin if I need something.
8. They keep it simple and don’t overcomplicate matters.
9. Talking business with them is fun.
10. They are just as dedicated to making the women in their life as successful as possible as I am.

So here's a thank you and I love you to all the amazing men in my life.

I want the Pharaohs, but there's only men.

Please introduce me to someone nice before I convince myself to buy 9 cats (that I happen to be allergic to) and die a miserable and lonely death.

When did chivalry die?  I mean, I know I’m a feminist but I am always, first and foremost, a lady.  I love a man that has manners, knows how to behave with people so that they are comfortable and at ease.  This is such an important life skill for any social interaction you will have in your life, why wouldn’t you learn good manners?!  

You're born alone and you die alone..

I’ve been reading this book called The Last Lecture.  It’s about a college professor that finds out he has a few months to live and decides to write life lessons he wishes he could share with his children.

The book is a great read even though the premise is quite depressing.  It got me thinking about my father and his lessons.  There are several but I will mention only one for now.

I was going through my first big break-up and really nervous and scared. I called my dad bawling my eyes out.  As I was sitting on my stoop, eyes red and the world ending in my 23-year-old head, he said to me the following: Jen, we are born into this world alone and we die alone.  The only one you need to hold yourself accountable to or take care of is yourself.

His white beard has been earned through wisdom!

I thought a lot about this and have always carried it with me no matter what the situation.  It’s helped me leave relationships that needed leaving, change jobs, not compromise on my ideals or who I am as a person and also, on occasion, driven me to advise people in the same manner.

One of the many instances where I was trying to help someone happened on my way to Mexico on a business trip last February.  I was sitting next to an older woman and she started some small talk with me and bought me a drink.  We were drinking those lovely miniature bottles of wine they give on planes and then she started bawling her eyes out about a daughter who I reminded her of.  Then came details of a messy divorce after 26 years of marriage and how her life was an absolute disaster and she was going to Mexico to decompress etc. 

I wanted to be sympathetic and all I could think of saying was: well, you’re born into this world alone and you die alone.

It did not come out sounding like my father’s tone of it’s okay, you’re a responsible adult, you can take on the world, you just need yourself.  Instead it came out sounding far more cynical and hopeless.

Then came the kicker.  This woman with such sorrow in her eyes said:  I wasn’t born alone, I’m a twin!

Then she started talking about how her twin sister wouldn’t talk to her either.

Here I am thinking in my head: Goddamn it, Jen!  The one time you try and make someone feel better or give some sort of advice and this happens.  Of course she’s a twin, of course the ONE time you use someone else’s line she happens to be the exception.

I bought the next round after that.

What NOT to say to a girl on a date...

I won't go into too many details but here's what not to say or do to a girl when you are out with her on a date:

• Why did you cut your bangs?  They looked so nice before i.e. like two years ago when you had just met me..and was it really necessary to continue to return to this subject for the duration of the night?!
• Mention one of my friend's ex-girlfriends and then allude to possibly having slept with her (note: this will ruin ANY chance you would ever even fathom to have to me having any physical contact with you at all - even a hug is definitely NOT happening.  Gross.
• Text your super awesome friends that are clearly having more fun than you are right now (although probably not since they are texting) ALL NIGHT!  Really, are things that important that you need to literally stare at your phone for five whole minutes in the conversation?
• I hate striped shirts.  I mean, you didn't know before so it's cool but yeah I can't stand striped shirts.  This while I have my brown and cream striped sweater on.  That was nice of you. Next time let me TEXT you about what I should wear!
• Please don't force any date to answer where she would rate your physical appearance on a scale of 1 - 10 during the conversation.  This is incredibly awkward and irrelevant and just goes to reinforce how much you are thinking about yourself and trying to stroke your ego the whole time.  Especially as my opinion based on your personality gets lower and lower throughout the night.

So Jen, this sounds pretty awful, why did you let it continue for so long?

I had fun after a few glasses of wine talking shit to this guy.  Sometimes I do that.  Anyway, I hope we can be friends although if he ever reads this not sure if that will be possible. Let's hope he thinks I'm funny and goes with it.  

Did you seriously just call me that? Do I know you?

To all the men that just meet me or have a casual friendship with me and think they have earned the right to call me babe: think again.

I am not your babe.  Furthermore, this makes you look incredibly sleazy and it annoys the hell out of me.  It is condescending.  How would you like it if I started calling you little pet names after just meeting you?

The worst ones TEXT you like “hey babe, thanks for that information – look forward to our meeting soon.”   Many things are wrong with this:

•          This is business.  I don’t call you sweetcheeks in communicating with you during a meeting or via email or text, do I?
•          You are texting me or emailing me and INTENTIONALLY TYPING the word babe.  You may think you’re being cute or hip because I’m young, but you are very mistaken.
•           Just because we are drinking and hanging out in a casual atmosphere does not give you the right to call me babe.  You can call me by my name, thanks.
•          Calling me a pet name must be EARNED – it is not given just because you deem yourself worthy.

Give a girl a break.  Don’t call me babe unless I’m dating you or you want to be called sweetcheeks in reply.

Let's Get Serious..

I've been having fun.  Lots of fun - as evidenced by my past few posts - most of which I think are hilarious, but something happened today.

I logged into my blog to see that I had lost a follower.  :(  This made me unbelievably sad.  So now, I will refrain from discussing the following topics as a result of the loss I'm experiencing:

• dead babies (yep...still keep thinkin' about them)
• feminism (writing a book instead)
• and  oil covered seagulls - (I guess some people might be sensitive to innocent animals suffering because of human interference with our environment).

On a serious note I found this awesome article about how men that do housework and have more egalitarian relationships with their female partners are happier in life.  Read more about this here.

If you read this and don't follow me - please follow me to make me feel better - it's kind of like losing a pet and then getting a replacement pet.  Will you be my replacement pet?  My life feels empty without you following!

Also, if you like my blog - pass it on!  Pass it on to your friends, family, dead babies (nah nevermind - they suck as followers), and the like.

You can follow my by pressing the follow button on the right hand side.