Online dating and the American way...

I was talking to my friend the other night about dating and how unnatural it felt at this point in our lives.

“I know what I want now, and I’m not sure if that is making things easier or harder for me.  I meet people I am mildly interested in, but no one that I really feel an intense connection with.  It’s hard to know whether I want to go on a second or third date with them…I mean I like them and could potentially feel more for them but I don’t feel anything so much initially.”

I remind her about how we met in college and how it wasn’t necessarily this instant bond we created; it took a lot of time to build a strong relationship together.  “That’s just it,” I say.  “Relationships take time; creating emotional bonds with another person not only takes energy, but also time.”

We talked then about American culture.  We Americans are not used to taking time to achieve what we want.  We are a very quantitative culture.  Conversations with my girlfriends soon become one of: well, we’ve been on four dates so far and he has called me 8 times and texts me at least once a day etc.  We have this little habit of trying to quantify what it is to have a relationship, to be cared for, to justify our feelings.

I just saw this Ke$ha music video where she featured the dating site, Plenty of Fish.  Dating sites have become very popular among Generation Y, the generation that tends to be more comfortable with technology.  It seems so counterintuitive to me that human beings are trying to date in this way.  To each his or her own when it comes to dating, but to me sorting through a bunch of men’s pictures and profiles (while I really wish it were that easy) seems so unnatural.  After all, I think my most successful relationships didn’t have the qualities I could pick out so easily on a list, but each in his own way had something I needed to experience at that moment of my life, whether or not I was aware I needed it and I ended up lasting years with them.  I think we have a tendency to think we know what we want, but do we know what we need?

Even the idea of choosing a boyfriend or girlfriend like we're picking out our furniture feels awkward, and yet I feel it's a uniquely American thing.  As analytical beings we want to measure our options and choose the one that fits our individual needs best, but I'd be wary when it comes to doing this with relationships.  Relationships are not business transactions that can be measured so simply.

Quantifying when it comes to relationships isn’t always a bad thing.  Much can be told of the seriousness of a relationship when it surpasses the one year mark or the five year mark.  However, when you are just casually dating, you cannot expect to have deep feelings of trust developed after just three dates.  That being the case, how can one discern whether or not to continue seeing someone or not?  Who is worth the time investment?  Who isn’t?  

On a side note there is this blog that is HILARIOUS and superbly written that I highly recommend you check out about online dating.   Two cousins share their experiences dating online and then document the good, the bad and the ugly for your entertainment: http://www.thisonetimeonmatch.blogspot.com/

Hypnosis in Calakmul

I wrote this when I was in an enlightened (the only way I can describe how I felt) state on top of Calakmul's 2nd largest pyramid.  Calakmul is a huge Mayan site located in the Calakmul Biosphere Reserve in Campeche, Mexico.  The depiction below describes me in a state that I wish I could be in forever.  Time stood still, I felt as though I belonged to that place in that moment.  If the writing lacks description it's because the noise in my mind had silenced.  I needed to write this today to remember what it felt like.

The air tastes sweet - the smell of sweet Jasmine flowers perfumes the air.  I feel like I could stay up here all day - so in peace.  Maybe it's the hike it took to get up here or maybe it's the quiet and only the sound of birds and leaves rustling.  I'm in a hypnotic state almost so blissfully peaceful.  No body part bothers me; not even the toe that I broke or the blister on my right pinky toe.  Not even my legs that were sore from yesterday's hike; not even my back from hauling my 40 pound backpack in and out, up and down, out and around.


I feel as though each time the wind blows she's a hypnotist snapping her fingers and saying "deeper!"  I don't mind the ants crawling all over my body, nor do I mean being left here alone.  I take a breath and all the trees appear a lusher green than I had see before.  Colors dance before me and "deeper!" the wind blows once more.

More about Calakmul here.

Disillusionment and Disappointment in Chicago

“You can’t take politics so personally, they are just politics…” A friend said to me. I was visibly upset and furthermore feeling physically ill at the thought of it all.

Chicago had just had its mayoral election – the first in which a Daley was NOT running in 22 years. The City was up for grabs.
In the last wide-open mayoral race for the city of Chicago two decades ago, 68 percent of voters showed up to vote. Yesterday, only 41 percent of registered voters bothered to show up to vote at all. This is the first time in my lifetime that Chicago will have a new mayor and 60 percent of registered voters can’t even bother to show up?!?!

I’m angry; I’m really angry. It’s been a long time since a social/political issue has upset me so much personally and visibly altered my state of being. Candidates were conceding only one hour after the polls had closed.

This is not a blog post about my political views or who I thought should have won in this. I had simply hoped to see all candidates’ ideas presented challenged a bit more to artfully construct a blueprint with various viewpoints of the greatness that Chicago could be. I wanted the ideas and proposals for this great city to be subject to public approval. I wanted to be engaged. I wanted to learn more about the candidates’ plans. I wanted to be spoken to and I wanted to be inspired.

My hopes were crushed around 8p.m. driving to an election party when the news broke that Rahm Emmanuel had won the election with more than 50 percent of the vote and therefore no run-off was necessary.

It’s not the results that bothered me so much. It’s the fact that less than a month ago the world watched full of hope for the Middle East as Egypt was emancipated from a government they had not chosen. They protested out in the streets for weeks. Many people sacrificed so much just to exercise the one right we Americans deem inalienable and yet cannot muster to do on a cold day in February.

Vote.

Maybe it’s the recent travel and conversations with people that will never know the privilege of living in this country that has me much more sensitive to the global world around me these days. Or maybe it’s the patriot inside of me that will defend this country with my dying breath wherever I am. Whatever it is, I am disappointed in my fellow Chicagoans and frankly, I do not know how they can ever make it up to me or to other voting citizens of this great city. We deserve better.

Chicago Flag

Where Have The Good Men Gone?

This article made so much sense!! Please read it here.

I have too many "guys" that I know that are exactly how author Kay Hymowitz describes them:

Today, most men in their 20s hang out in a novel sort of limbo, a hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance....

This is pretty harsh at the end but worth mentioning:

Relatively affluent, free of family responsibilities, and entertained by an array of media devoted to his every pleasure, the single young man can live in pig heaven—and often does. Women put up with him for a while, but then in fear and disgust either give up on any idea of a husband and kids or just go to a sperm bank and get the DNA without the troublesome man. But these rational choices on the part of women only serve to legitimize men's attachment to the sand box. Why should they grow up? No one needs them anyway. There's nothing they have to do.

They might as well just have another beer.

Feel free to comment - where have all the real men gone of our generation?

Hipsters: What are They and How Can I Avoid Them?

I live in Pilsen, a Southside neighborhood of Chicago.  It is a traditionally Mexican American neighborhood.  In the summertime you can hear the bells of the paleteros (popsicle vendors) down your block.  You can get fresh corn on the cob with mayonnaise, lime and chile powder in front of the grocery store.  The streets are littered with beautiful murals by the neighborhood's rich artist community depicting Aztec warriors, Mexican families, and even statements about immigration.  It is a vibrant community both culturally and economically.

This neighborhood has undergone a transformation within the past few years.  Some would call it gentrification which is a scary word for the die hard political activists that live here; others would call it the inevitable cycle of Chicago neighborhoods.  The popularity of one neighborhood shifts in an ever changing array of hotspots in the City.

One constant of the evolution of Chicago neighborhoods are the hipsters.  Looking for cheap rent and interesting neighborhoods they are the first sign that a neighborhood is changing.  It's kind of like following the rats on a sinking ship to safety, if your real estate follows the hipsters then you're in for a return on your investment eventually.

http://1thought2many.wordpress.com/2010/07/17/hipster/

http://www.hipstertravelguide.com/archives/187

I don't quite know what hipsters are, despite many of them being my generational peers, but I do know what they look like.  They generally wear skinny jeans and shop at thrift stores.  They prefer to look like they haven't eaten in weeks or perhaps they enjoy the whole I may have been a creepy looking serial killer in the 1970s but it's cool now because it's 2011 look.  Living in Pilsen I have made the following observations about hipsters:

1. They like art, music or photography but are not necessarily heavily involved in the arts as a career path.
2. They choose to be poor; many from a wealthy or white collar background move out of the suburbs into the city to live off of thrift store clothing, PBR, and cheap food.
3. They have no definable political issues.  They are the quintessential "rebels without a cause."  They don't want to be mainstream yet have nothing non-mainstream to rally against.
4. They seem to be apathetic about life, often living very transient lifestyles with no real career paths working low paying jobs with minimal responsibilities.
5. There is an odd obsession with "low culture" and truck drivers for some reason.
6. They are incredibly self-involved.  They have low paying jobs yet somehow manage to have ipods, ipads, iphones, imacs, Steve Jobs phone number etc.
7. They go out of their way to be weird and awkward in social situations because they somehow think that their awkwardness makes them cool.  Again, with the self involvement here, it's a graduation of indie emo rock mentality (no one gets me, I want to cut myself) to hipster mentality (no one gets me, I'm going to embrace it and be really weird so I can try to be cool) - no I didn't just make up that twisted logic.
8. They will not admit to being a hipster if asked if they are a hipster (I've asked several hipsters if they are hipsters and none ever answer yes)...fascinating.
9. They LOVE bicycles, especially fixed gear bicycles.
10. Their taste music will ALWAYS be better than yours, according to them, of course.

It's My Birthday!

Today, I promise not to validate my self worth by the number of people who post Happy Birthday on my Facebook wall.

Why My Valentine is so Much Better Than Yours

This is why:

1. My Valentine never argues with me.
2. My Valentine doesn’t get drunk and embarrass me in front of all my friends.
3. My Valentine is always in the mood to cuddle.
4. My Valentine does yoga with me.
5. My Valentine is such a great listener.
6. My Valentine never complains about my cooking (or lack thereof).
7. My Valentine loves walking around the neighborhood with me.
8. My Valentine looks damn good next to me.
9. My Valentine never blames me for things that aren’t really my fault.
10. My Valentine never talks about ex-lovers.
11. My Valentine has never made me cry.
12. My Valentine kills all the bugs in my apartment before I even notice them.
13. My Valentine doesn't play stupid games with me and always comes whenever I call.
14. Best of all, I fall deeper in love every time I see those huge black eyes staring at me.
15. My Valentine is really cute like this:

and not ugly like this: