Thursday, May 26, 2011

Las Lecciónes de Don Jesús: Part I

Start here.

It was raining when I arrived at his house.  I could see him from across the street watching me as I braced the rain without an umbrella carrying an oversized laundry bin up the stairs to the door.  It was so oddly characteristic of him to be watching out his window.

When you’re young, you have this romanticized vision of the elderly watching life happen to other people staring out of windows, but that’s not why it was so…Jesús Montenegro.  It was him because he’s got to be one of the most anxious people I know.  In fact, when I have my brief moments of neurosis I often blame him as being the genetic carrier and I as his offspring (once removed of course) get to now be neurotic about what else I carry in my genes too.

“Hola Abuelo!” I say smiling and wet.  He doesn’t seem to be receptive of my hug (maybe because of the rain) and he steps back to allow me and my dirty laundry to enter while chuckling.

“What is that?” He asks.

“Laundry,” I reply.

He doesn’t waste time with the pleasantries of small talk or ask where I’m coming from but instead walks me down to the basement and leads me to his washer and dryer.  This is another uncanny characteristic of my grandfather.  Work always comes first. 

When I was in high school, I was the first of my friends to get a job.  In my family, as in many Latino families, there was such a strong emphasis on working that sometimes it trumped the value of studying.  One who does not work must therefore be lazy, goes the logic.  And let me tell you, when you are raised my a mother like mine, the last thing you want is to be called lazy.

We walk back upstairs to the kitchen and make some tea.  I pull out my journal and say “We’ve got a lot of work to do.”

He looks at the journal and then back at me and says that he doesn’t feel good and that sometimes when you don’t feel good you are in no mood to tell stories.  I sit back quietly and rethink my approach.

The reason I find myself in Little Village visiting my 86-year-old grandfather is because I want to document some of the rich living history we have as a family.  My grandfather was born and raised in Mexico and in all of my 27 years I don’t remember the last time I sat across from him to really have a conversation with him about himself, who he is, what he was, his passions, life lessons and what fills his mind these days alone in his house. 

I’m not here to place a hatch mark on my good deeds list, I am here to write and my subject doesn’t feel like talking.  I put my journal away and start telling him about my day.  He tells me about his aches and pains and then I start asking him random questions about my uncles and aunts. 

“What year was Uncle Adrian born?”

“1950.” He fires back barely blinking.  Don Jesús’ memory, even in his old age, is sharper than mine.  He remembers names, dates, times, places but I must warn the reader that my abuelito isn’t this cute old man we imagine our elders to be.  He’s tall with a strong build, broad shoulders and a shiny bald head on which he always wears a hat.  He’s tan with brown freckles dotting his still handsome, yet much older face.  At 86 years old, he is probably healthier than most 60 year old men.  He rarely eats red meats or sugars, only drinks tequila on special occasions, limits his bread consumption and eats his five – seven servings of fruits and vegetables daily.  He walks on his treadmill for exercise during the colder days.  In short, he has the type of discipline I wish I had inherited instead of the neurosis I did inherit.  It’s fairly easy to see why he isn’t the type of person to inspire pity, that is, until you start asking him how he’s feeling.

“My stomach hurts.”  I grimace.  I had just gotten him to forget about his maladies for a good twenty minutes.  I find myself treating him like a child: trying to trick him into forgetting about his body; trying to trick him into retreating into those stored memories of his mind and get so lost in there that he makes the same face I make when I write.  Once I accomplish this, I pour some more tea and start again.

To be continued….

Monday, May 2, 2011

Obama, Osama, Yo' Mama and a Llama

Something wasn’t sitting right with me when I woke up to two text messages from friends and a BBC news alert on my phone this morning. It’s not just that I had been having nightmares for the past two weeks. I’d gotten used to waking up startled and examining my body for bullet wounds or bites from wild animals. This morning was different; I didn’t wake up to a nightmare, I woke up what many would call “justice being served,” ten years late.

Justice is such a tricky little word. It means so much to so many that its meaning begins to become this diluted version of righteousness before your very eyes. All across my social media feeds my fellow countrymen and women were rejoicing at the death of Osama Bin Laden, the mastermind behind the 9/11 attacks. 9/11: a date weighted so heavily in our young history. We all know where we were when it happened. For me as well as for many of my generation: it will be a story we tell our children, our grandchildren...

Examining everyone’s reaction this morning I finally see that we weren’t just a country in mourning in the months that followed the attacks. We were a country in defeat. 3,000 deaths no longer meant grief, instead it meant: how could some third world countryman outsmart me? I’m American. I come from the best country in the world!

And so we sent out our troops, invaded countries with no REAL basis for being there. It was like watching doctors provide temporary pain relief for the external symptoms without ever addressing the disease. All this happening, while folks paraded in the streets trying to be appeased by a little monkey’s plan for retaliation against mysterious forces that were as intangible as they were hidden.

America, I thought we were making progress, truly. I watched history as a black family moved into the most prestigious white house in the country. I saw little instances of change slowly but surely, reaffirming a recovery from eight years of hell that forced me to hide my passport while I was abroad.

I was even back on the road a couple of months ago proudly telling everyone that I was an American, a Chicagoan; a Patriot.

This morning: all of a sudden, I’m back in 2002 and there are these bloodthirsty people chanting “America! America!” I know I won’t be of popular opinion today, but there was something very disturbing about all relishing in the death of someone; not just death but what we could assume to be the brutal killing of someone. I could follow logic quite well; an eye for an eye; tooth for tooth, but this isn’t the logic I am partial to.

I am not in mourning for Osama Bin Laden.  When you participate in war there are consequences and casualties. That is a reality for everyone: whether you are in the military, love someone in the military, are in Senate seats signing bills or just some plain patriot like me.

I won’t, however, parade around touting the American flag today. This is not a victory I want to celebrate. It doesn’t bring back 3,000 lives; there is no closure to some wounds even ten years later with the death of terrorist. Just ask the survivors of concentration camps if the death of Hitler made them feel better about what they've experienced.

The only upside to this is that my tax dollars won’t go to funding ten more years wasted to “bring justice home” and I won’t have to listen to the same people asking, “whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden?” as an easy critique of any unpopular administration. At least politically, we can let this one rest in peace.