Poltical Manifesto

I know people who believe being patriotic means listening to all the messages the media sends us.  It means embracing capitalism in its current form, enjoying steak and potatoes and apple pie and supporting any big business because after all, corporations are so American.

I know people that are afraid to say what they really want to say when it comes to politics because they fear the repercussions on their career, status and circle of friends.  I felt fooled into that role for a minute and then I remembered what it was to be an American in the light of this mass movement: Occupy Wall Street.

Being American means you have a right to an opinion, a voice and the right to protest your government when you believe they are wrong. 

I’m not going to pretend to be intimately involved with the movement.  I’m not and in fact, only recently have I begun to pay attention.  What’s so unique about this movement is that it’s not a movement based on a single issue, but rather on the greater discontent of society as a whole.  It’s a multi-generational movement and yet I can understand those Gen Yers out there the most.

I was born in 1984.  I came of age in a period of disillusionment.  I have few friends that didn’t owe at least 15 grand by the time they were 22 and shot into the “real world” without much cushioning and consistent calls from loan collectors.  I was born into a world of shifting powers and globalization all of which contributed to my worldview.

This however, does not hinder my vision of the world I’d like to live in.  I thought I would breathe some life into this vision and share it with you.  Rather than say what is wrong with society, which I think we have a tendency to do too often, I am going to write what I’d like to see.  Politicians – take note:

1.      .  I want the people we elect to office to look more like real Americans.  This means they have average American salaries (the real average, not the congressional average which is NINE TIMES that of an American).  This of course, means that there must be political reform as to how we run our elections which can cost up to millions of dollars in media buys, marketing and staffing.   I want our politicians not just to mirror Americans economically but also racially and by gender as well.  I want more parity in our elected officials because I don’t believe I can be represented by a 65 year old millionaire white male. 
2.         I want universal health care for all.  How do we do this from a budget standpoint?  Here’s a suggestion: invest in holistic health care practitioners that address the underlying problem rather than the symptoms.  All healthcare practitioners should prescribe as much preventative medicine as possible.  This however, cannot happen if people cannot afford to get regular check-ups.  We are the ONLY industrialized nation in the WORLD that does not have universal health care for its people.  What does that say about the priorities of one of the richest countries in the world if it can’t even invest in the health of its people?
3.         I want less spending on war and more investment in green technology, education and small businesses.  It becomes a huge problem when the military industrial complex becomes far more powerful than the citizens, something I fear has already happened in our country. 
4.         I want my future children (if I have them – still concerned about the world’s overpopulation issue – largest threat on earth to mother earth) to grow up in a better society where are differences are celebrated rather than similarities rewarded.  What I mean by that is for people to stop talking about diversity and to live it; this means more diverse individuals in positions of power as authors, politicians, business leaders etc.
5.          I want a lot less sexism in every single media outlet worldwide.
6.          I want a lot less sexism in every single boardroom worldwide.
7.          I want the farming industry to stop putting chemicals in the soil.
8.          I want any animal farmed for its flesh to live full lives where they roam free, see sun, and eat what they are intended to eat i.e. cows eating grass instead of being force-fed corn which they can’t digest, etc. and killed with compassion for their being.  I want the FDA to regulate HUMANE practices across the board.  As Gandhi said: “The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.”  
9.           More than anything, I want my American peers to rise up and do something about what they see wrong in this world.  That is what inspires me the most about Occupy Wall Street.  People standing up for what they believe in is what our nation is built on.  It’s not shopping malls and mass consumerism; it’s not corn-fed cows and hormone injected chickens, it is democracy.  This nation is built on the belief that majority rules and that belief is being challenged by the tiny minority.  I don’t want to live in a country where everyone is too comfortable, stagnant and placated on their i-pads and playstations anymore.  I demand much more.

Thank you to the OWS movement for the inspiration!  Everyone else, do with this, what you will and take action – join a movement, go vegan, spend less time watching television and more time campaigning for issues close to your heart.  Donate time or money to what you believe in and leave this world better than when you came into it. 

Love,

Jen

A patriotic American Citizen

The Medium is the Message

Your smile by candlelight

Is the most beautiful thing I’ve seen

I tell you everything

That pops into my head

A thousand jesters think

My brain is the best scene

To host crazy surprise parties

They even bring those crazy, tiny jalopies

And there’s the sad clown

Sitting in the corner – ever present

Cause he just can’t get with it

I don’t know how to take it slow

I don’t do casual or the shallow

I’m a deep diver, ocean expert

Equipped with enough oxygen

And curiosity to get us pretty far

When there’s something more

I mean to tell you

Is when at which precise moment

My oxygen supply gets cut

My larynx feels a tug while

That stupid sad clown screams

One too many cautionary tales

Broken hearts scattered through interstates

Restaurant tables and even by candlelight

Oh, but I know this feeling so well

I can ID it with both my eyes closed

Breathless, mouth open so slight

Awaiting your wet kiss

Yes, I know exactly what this is

I am withholding pertinent information

From those eyes; fear does its thing

Constantly tugging at my sleeve

Because 3 words make a 3-sided anchor

And despite my weightlessness with you

I may never come back up again

1000 loud and mocking jesters

Rendered silent

Deep sea divers died for much less

My eyes speak for themselves now

For I am speechless

The Abortion Expert

The title of this poem came from an open mic that I go to sometimes.  This kid came up to me and said "Hey I loved your stuff especially that 'abortion expert' poem."  I couldn't figure out the right title for this one so it just stuck.

The Abortion Expert

A heart can never be happy unless it’s free

Cause love only bends it, breaks it, scars it deeply

And a girl like me is always twice as reckless

Until her heart’s left beaten and twisted; her mind callous

I never learn from my mistakes – instead I wait until

I’m out from the mend then seek new ways to bend, beat, break

That which just healed, that which I just felt recuperate

You’re the last person I wanted to see; your smile an indication

Of everything I needed to avoid and instead I got undressed

Left you nothing except what lies under my chest

I want to train my body’s reaction to the butterflies at first kiss

I want to kill them dead before there’s time to reminisce

Then I want to ignore the beautiful massacre that just took place

Butterflies wings now dust while I sit wiping kisses off my face

I want to walk into gardens alone to unplant all seeds

Like an abortion expert – killing things before there’s time to breathe

This is an ode to those who can turn hearts to stone

Please stop it, paralyze it, freeze it, as hard as bone

I’ve loved too many yet the only one I’ve ever slept with is the Devil

And now he won’t stop calling; my body hypnotized, responding

I answer every time ‘cause it still gets lonely.

It still gets lonely...

I'm horrible at love poems

So I may have married and divorced this guy in my head in this poem.  I wrote it a while ago and can't even remember his name now. Funny how those things work.

The Worst Lover I Never Had

I like to get ahead of myself

And everyone else around me

So I’m writing you some romantic poetry

About moments that have yet to occur between us

Like those picnics on that windy day and me in that dress

My head on your lap while you passed cherries through my lips

All our Sunday bike rides against the skyline along great lakes

To our favorite little restaurant to eat al fresco

And we drank too much then which led to our first fight

Stupid arguments about theories of relativity and concepts of reality

But at least the makeup sex was good

In today’s world, we’ve had one conversation

About a month ago and I’ve probably deliberated

About approximately 8 hours since

About how I can accidentally run into you or

Maybe I should call, leave you a message

But that’s coming on way too strong and you haven’t responded

Meanwhile I’ve bitten off all my nails in the process

So much so that plucking my guitar strings

Feels so painful and sounds so flat to me

So I’m back to writing this stupid poetry

I’m seriously considering adding new rules

To the etiquette of dating which to include:

If you crush the hopes of a cute girl that likes you

You must submit to her a list of your ten worst habits

So she can easily envision how horrible dating you would be

And come to think of it, I cannot stand your snoring

Or how you always leave the seat up and you have no tact

In fact, you’re slightly crass and God, I can’t stand

That clicking thing you do with your tongue.

Additionally, I’ve always hated your stupid pet names for me

And I think it’s about time we talked about us

It’s not me – it’s you, you see cause I have no idea

Why I would fall for someone pretentious like you anyway

I am today now.  Realizing I’m horrible at love poems.

Yours always,

Jen

How To Diss a Vegan

I had spent the entire day becoming more intimate with my two new vegan cookbooks and cooking up a storm.  It was a Sunday afternoon.  I had invited my brother over for some much needed sibling time.  My brother rode his bike all the way to Pilsen from parent’s house in Schiller Park.   That’s at least 20 miles!  Luckily, I was prepared for such an occasion with a fully stocked fridge.

My brother tends to always be hungry and yet he is skinny.  I hate him.  Furthermore, I wanted to feed him considering I had spent all this time cooking a variety of different meals.

I had made lentil soup in the slow cooker, roasted eggplant with quinoa, “chicken” fajitas with black beans all of which were fresh, warm and delicious.  I guess you go kind of crazy when you can’t cook for 40 days, plus I was being squirrel-like and preparing for the week ahead.

My brother walks in and immediately I’m badgering him about what I could feed him (also, I think this is a Mexican female thing where you want to feed men…it’s weird but I digress).  We go back and forth for a while until he looks at me all serious-like and says: Jen, I respect your decision to become a vegan, but I will not allow you to subject me to this type of “food.”

Me: wha?  I mean it’s good, it’s just vegetables.

Him: Exactly.  That’s precisely what I mean.

Me: but everyone eats vegetables!

Him: You know what I ate today, Jen?  I ate like four different animals.  In fact, I don’t even know what types of animals I ate.  Could have been tilapia, could have been salmon, who cares?  Then I’m pretty sure I had some cow, chicken and pork.

Me: Wow, good for you! Murderer! (under my breath)

Him:  It’s just the way the world works, Jen.

Me: You should at least try something, I’ve been cooking all day and I know you’re hungry.

Him: I’m fine. 

He probably ate one of these too.

Twenty minutes later, I heard this popping noise coming out of the kitchen.  I walk out to see what it is and he had the nerve to make popcorn!  I made all of this delicious, hearty, fresh and healthy food and the $#*&@! makes popcorn!!!

Then he looks at me and smiles and says: this popcorn is vegan, right?

"Love is Cursed by Monogamy"*

You broke the rules

I only bent them temporarily

putting too much trust

in a shiny gold band

rendered meaningless

in one night.

No promises; no regrets.

This city isn’t big enough

for the both of us.

I don’t want to see your face,

but the clowns in this town

just parade it around;

whispering your pretty name.

And I met your lovely little wife

for some straight faced charades

disguised as small talk conversation.

Then proceeded to lock myself

in the bathroom to cry

They used to tell me that

good people just don’t cheat

and grown-ups always do the right thing.

I would have crossed myself and prayed

an entire rosary twice, kneeling

if I thought it’d make me feel better.

But what’s the use when

we are none other than renegade rebels

protesting monogamy

At least I still winced at my naked body.

Hearts pounding; hands racing up my thigh;

minds too busy justifying one more secret

or someone else’s wife and a good man

waiting to hold my hand at home.

Trust was an absolute.

Me: older wiser now

Trust: absolutely ridiculous

to imbed into people like us.

I made a huge bet.

Then proceeded again

to forfeit my hand when I was all in.

Alone in bathroom stalls

hotel rooms and bars.

While you smiled pretty for cameras

pretending there never was a game

never a hand to play.

Dropping your picket sign

crossing over to the other side.

You never broke the rules.

I never bent them.

I walk past your posters

without even a hint of recognition.

And your name is foreign on my tongue.

*I "borrowed" the title from Kanye West and Jay Z since it's a line in their song "No Church in the Wild."

The Fast: 40 Days - Retrospective Reflection

I know, I know, I’ve been way to busy eating to blog.  Just kidding!

I successfully completed 40 days of the fast.  Breaking the fast was quite uneventful to be honest.  It was almost like food was the one thing I had longed for, built up in my head, desired, craved, wanted and became obsessed with for 40 days and at first bite I couldn’t help but think: this is it? 

Don’t get me wrong, I love eating, but I guess it’s like anything else you build up in your head after abstaining from it.  The reality of it is usually much less than the expectations you had built in your head.

As you may know from my last blog post, I have become a vegan.  I bought all of these vegan recipe books and I have to say that after fasting for 40 days, it’s not that hard.  It’s pretty easy to convince yourself of things like: cheese?  Oh I don’t eat that.  Does that have cream?  I don’t eat that. Etc.  I’m thankful for being able to easily transition to a vegan lifestyle (except for my Camel hair coat and variety of leather boots which I have no desire to be rid of).  The best thing about going vegan has been that I have been able to sustain my weight loss from the fast quite easily.

In 40 days I lost about 25 pounds.  Since completing the fast I’ve gained back about 3 pounds and maintained a 22 pound loss.  If you remember, prior to fasting I had lost 20 pounds by exercising and eating better.   This means that since April of 2011 I am down a substantial 42 pounds.  Not bad, still some to go. 

Here are the less tangible benefits of the fast that I would like to share:

Cleansing = forgiveness: it seems that I was carrying more than a few extra pounds including some pretty heavy baggage that didn’t really belong to me from some ex-lovers.  Around the fourth day of the fast I did some intense meditation, wrote some compassionate letters to myself of understanding and forgave me, him and them for some hard-earned scars on my heart.  Three days later I met someone pretty amazing (who I’m hoping won’t read this blog).

I can have a great time (shocked face) WITHOUT booze:  I know, I know, it’s crazy.  I actually like hanging out with friends without drinking.  Most of you who know me in person know I love a great Malbec or Pinot Noir and of course some whiskey or scotch on the rocks but guess what?  I don’t need to drink to have a good time (it helps tho) but not necessary.  I find myself meeting up with friends for tea or doing other things that don’t include drinking.  It’s pretty awesome.  Also, I save money.

I feel better about myself: physically, mentally and emotionally.  I feel…dare I say, happy.  I’m proud of my accomplishment and it was hard and I’m happy that I stuck through it.  I proved something to myself and let go of the need to prove things to others.  Of course, my body feels a lot better after dropping significant weight and consuming healthy foods.  I also feel more secure, like I don’t need so much validation from the outside world in my endeavors because I know what I’m doing.  There’s a quiet confidence in knowing you can do whatever you want to do.  Also, I have less patience for those individuals that have nothing but excuses, particularly because that used to be me.  I guess it’s like Herman Hesse once wrote in Demian: “If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us.” 

That being said, I'm looking for my next challenge.  I kind of feel like: Okay, I fasted 40 days, now what? 

Any suggestions?

The Fast: Day 38 Food for Thought

With two more days to go on this fast and with 40 days to contemplate food (sometimes way too much) I’ve had some time to become very informed and make a very deliberate decision regarding my diet.

I’m going vegan!  Vegans do not eat any animal products which include: eggs, dairy (cow’s milk, goat’s milk, butter etc.).  Strict vegans don’t consume anything that might have been processed with anything from an animal – I’m likely not going to be that hardcore, at least initially anyway.

I’m doing it for the health benefits.  I’ve been watching a lot of food related documentaries lately (because that’s what you do when you fast, you watch documentaries about food while your friends are out to dinner).  Two of them really impacted me greatly: Forks over Knives and Food Inc.  Forks over Knives focuses on cancer research and diet while Food Inc. focuses on the way food is manufactured and processed including our grains, fruits and vegetables.  It also shows some pretty gruesome and cruel practices towards animals and how far we have come from those days on the farm.

Without getting too preachy I’ll explain why I’m going vegan:

• Hello Fall!  Where did my allergies go?  My sinus allergies have been so much better.  Generally, when the seasons change I’ve been known to sneeze 13 times in succession and just be a mucus-y mess with plenty of sinus headaches and breathing problems but guess what?  My sinuses feel great and NO mucus build-up since starting the fast.  I think it’s safe to say that diet affects my allergies.  Upon doing my own research on how I realized that eliminating dairy has been shown to reduce allergy symptoms so there goes the dairy.
• Weight loss: A vegan diet is generally low fat since you’re not using any animal products.  Of course, you can definitely eat badly as a vegan, as you could with any other diet, but in general it’s more difficult to make those impulsive cupcake or candy bar buys when everything contains milk or eggs.
• “The anticancer” diet?  I could go into this but just save me the trouble and watch Forks over Knives – streams free on Netflix.
• Bye bye hormones: No more Bovine Growth hormone in my cheese!  No more other growth hormones in my chicken and no more mercury in my fish (Dear Scallops and Oysters:  I’ll miss you...but it’s not forever, we can rendezvous one night, just you and me, and I will be seduced in blissful seafood heaven.  A little mercury never hurt anyone, right?  P.S. don’t tell the other vegans.)

If I can fast for 40 days, I’m fairly certain I can eliminate most processed foods from my diet like refined sugars, flours etc.  My plan is to try and eat as whole as possible when possible.  This will ensure many good grains/carbohydrates and lots of fruits and vegetables.  I also may maintain my juicing of fresh fruits and veggies daily or every other day as I am enjoying it.

There is one thing I refuse to give up and that is coffee.   Countless times I’ve ALMOST broken the fast with a cup of hot, delicious coffee, but I persevered!  Sure, I almost brushed my lips against the forbidden cup but forbidden no longer.  Only two days separates us.  I can’t wait.  It will be heavenly.

The Fast: Day 35 - Pure Determination and Grit

I hate to say it, but I’m pretty cranky today.  We had a staff meeting today and it was someone’s birthday.  This means I had to sit in front of a chocolate cake from Portillo’s the WHOLE MEETING.  Then we had a staff lunch so I had to watch all of my coworkers chow down on some delicious looking sandwiches...and then the cake.

Today is my 35^th day and I know I only have 5 more days to go, but I’m getting really sick of fasting and I the only thing that is getting me through it at this point is pure grit and a commitment I made to myself to do 40 days.

I’m really hungry.  Furthermore, I’m so tired of carrying these water bottles of juice with me everywhere I go.  I miss glasses of wine and being able to taste new things (other than fruits and veggies). 

My body is ready to return to solid foods again, but I’m not prepared yet.  I have an idea of the lifestyle changes that will need to follow this fast, but I need to get my head in the right place.  I don’t want to gain back much weight or lose any of the health benefits of this fast.

I’d like to delve into those benefits now and uncover for you what gets me through fasting:

Clear Skin:  My face looks and feels amazing.  People have commented on a certain “glow” I have and I’m definitely attributing it to the fast.  You’d glow too if all you ever consumed was fresh fruit and vegetable juices.  Of course I did have to go through some bad skin days prior to this – as part of the detox.

More energy:  You’d think that on a 40 day fast I’d be starving and bedridden or tired but I generally feel great from the moment I wake up in the morning.  I have a consistent energy throughout the day and an alertness as though I’d consumed three espressos minus the jitters.  My mind is clear and my body feels great too. 

Weight loss: this is a given, right?  On my 35^th day of the fast I am down 22 pounds since starting, which means 42 pounds since April.  My old clothes from college fit again (even a little big).  Of course other things result when you feel better about how your exterior looks such as more confidence, better fashion decisions and some high credit card bills from the new clothes that look so cute on you now.

Zen: I feel really peaceful and have felt a lot more balanced than usual.  I sometimes can be slightly erratic in my energy levels but with this I feel a sense of calm always.  It’s quite nice actually.

“Can do” Mentality: I just fasted for 35 days!!  Yeah I can get into that yoga pose.  Sure I never have run in my life but yeah, I’mma run your 5k.  Why?  Because I can!

It’s not all peaches and cream.  There are moments, like now, where I have to remind myself of why I am doing this; where I have to make a mental list of the benefits.  I do get hungry.  I miss cooking, eating, drinking, etc.  I especially miss partaking in these activities with friends and family. There is a sense of isolation when you are fasting despite when you are with people.  It’s as though society is all doing one thing (eating regularly) and you’re not a part of it. 

It reminds me of how important cooking was to past societies.  We didn’t develop language until we had fire.**  Some anthropologists attribute this to sitting around fires to cook our food.  Food is such an integral part of being human.  No other species uses language like us and no other species cook their food.  Sharing it with others is even more so. 

Proponents of fasting say you stop getting hungry once you start fasting and it’s true to an extent, but you never really get over the hunger – it just passes in waves.  Also, juice is filling.  I never thought I would say that but I can drink fresh fruit or vegetable juice and feel very full.

There have been some moments where I almost ate.  I’m not perfect and this is difficult, but I didn’t because I realized that I would only be failing myself.  I told myself 40 days and I will complete 40 days and as hard as this is I am seeing the end of the tunnel clearer and clearer.  Five more days to go!  I’d like to say that I am grateful for anyone who has provided me support and encouragement during this time.  It really did/does help.

**I'm fact checking on the language emergence coinciding with the fire/cooking bit.  I remember it from an anthropology class but don't quote me.  Feel free to comment/correct me below.

The Fast: Day 30 and Writing Love Songs to Bread

I’m F*%$*n’ HUNGRY!!

Seriously, I’m starving.  I know people say this all the time but they don’t mean it.  What?  They haven’t eaten “all day” or “since breakfast?”  Try 30 days, bitches! 

I want some hummus with olive oil drizzled on top paired with black olives and vegetables and oh my God, I miss bread.  I came home last night and was messing around with my guitar and somehow started singing a love song to bread.  It went something like this:

You’re the only white thing I like

It’s love at the first bite

I love to pick around your shell

At the soft insides

And the way you cradle

So perfectly the tomatoes

Cucumbers and lettuce too

I’ve had the French one

Italian, Panini, rye

I’ve had the Cuban

Baguette, whole grain

pumpernicccckkkkllllllleee

With olive oil, with cheese

Tomatoes and greens

Hummus oh please…

It just got worse after that so I won’t go on but seriously…Who does that?!?! 

I <3 you...

Yeah, so this fast: I’m glad I’m doing it.  It’s life changing and blahblahblah but I love autumn foods and I want a pumpkin spiced latte with soy milk and no whipped cream and I want to be able to eat butternut squash with cinnamon on top.  I want to eat the caramel apple dammit!  I miss cashews so much.  Oddly enough, the act of chewing is something you can actually miss.  Sometimes when I’m drinking my juice or water or tea I start to get really sick of the act of drinking.  The swallowing becomes forced and sounds like this violent gulping. 

I miss hanging out and grabbing a drink with friends.  The guy(s) I’m dating can’t figure out where to take me that don’t include consumption of some liquid or food item that I simply cannot have.   I’m getting slightly restless and if I could find a way to deliver pinot noir intravenously while simultaneously enjoying the flavor without breaking the fast I’d have done so already.

Yeah, so what if my body feels amazing and I have so much energy and I feel peaceful and clear-minded and accomplished?  So what if I’ve unpacked a lot of emotional baggage I’d been carrying around with me and put it in its proper place?  So what if I’ve proved a lot to myself regarding the amount of discipline, will power and grit I have?  I’m starving!  

The Fast: Day 27; Here it comes: a better version of me

“So why are you doing this?”

I hear this question constantly.  I have so many answers I struggle with what to say first.  My usual quip that I’m sure people are tiring of is because I want to be like Jesus (Jesus fasted 40 days; Jen fasts 40 days), but jokes aside, Jesus has nothing to do with it.

I guess to explain fully I’ll have to go back to California in early April.  There, I experienced an “aha” moment.  I was travelling solo for a few days in Los Angeles and then later met up with my extended family and finally my parents.  I hadn’t seen my aunts in a year and a half and you couldn’t mask their reaction to me when they saw me. 

I didn’t feel well.  I was coming out of somewhat of a depression that I didn’t even know I was in from the year before.  No one said coming of age was going to be easy and I experienced some challenges that year.  My body reflected all of this.  How had it been in one year’s time I managed to gain a whopping 40 pounds?

As soon as I got back to Chicago, I started watching what I ate more closely and exercising regularly and by July I was down 20 pounds.  It was subtle and not dramatic but I felt better.  

Then in August, my coworker popped into my office to ask if I had heard of the Master Cleanse before because she was on her seventh day.  I couldn’t believe it – I had not even noticed (and we have a tiny office).  I had just watched this documentary about juice fasting and considered it a sign that it was time to get back into it.

So why fast?  Most people who know me (and those of you who have followed this blog religiously) know that I’m a very adventurous young woman; from backpacking solo adventures to living with wolves.  The same thing that draws me to do these things is what draws me to unconventional paths to self discovery.

I absolutely loathe stagnation.  I need to constantly challenge myself and put myself in uncomfortable situations to learn and grow.  I’d say abstaining from food and alcohol for a 20-something social butterfly is pretty damn uncomfortable (thank God men are not on that list).

Yes, it’s hard.  Someone told me once that there’s no point in doing anything unless it’s hard because it’s the challenge that forces you to grow and furthermore no one ever achieved anything without sacrifice.

Mountains in Oaxaca, Mexico.  I miss you.

I mentioned in an earlier blog that I couldn’t escape to the mountains of Mexico and meditate in a cave for three days so instead I’m fasting.  In the past 27 days the things I’ve learned from doing this are astounding.  I feel like a different person and I still have 13 magical more days to go.  I can say that sometimes I wake up (super energized and happy of course) and think that 40 days is too little – that I should go longer because I feel so good.  Maybe I will.

You’ll have to wait for the next blogs to learn about those discoveries and changes, but I can tell you that the Jen that was 27 days ago is no longer.  In the words of Fiona Apple: “Here comes a better version of me.”

xoxoxo

The Fast: Day 23 (Jordan Day) and How to do a Juice Fast

Today is my “Jordan day” of the fast.   My cousin coined the term during his 23^rd birthday.  He said: “This is my Jordan year;” 23 representing the numbers Michael Jordan rocked with The Bulls.  Can you tell we’re Chicagoans?  Anyway, my “Jordan day” doesn’t start with Wheaties, the breakfast of champions (the cheesiness stops here, I swear).  It starts with a green smoothie.

I’ve gotten a couple of requests to share exactly how I’ve been fasting.  Most people are surprised to know that I don’t spend all day at home in bed rest next to my juicer.  I generally have very busy and active days.

A typical weekday for me means I’m up at 6 a.m. and out the door by 7:30 a.m.  I generally don’t see my apartment again until 8 or 9 that night.  This is due to many work and social engagements (I like to keep really really busy).  This might include luncheon meetings during the day, workouts, yoga classes, board meetings in the evenings, networking events or even dinner galas. 

For those of you who have researched juice fasting you know that juicing (not the Arnold kind) is done using fresh fruits and vegetables (organic if possible) and a juicer, but how can you maintain a super busy schedule that include breakfasts, luncheons and yes, even galas while juice fasting?

After only 13 days of juice fasting (23 days of fasting include the 10 day Master Cleanse), I certainly don’t consider myself an expert, but here’s what I do:

I make all of my juice in the morning before leaving and carry it in one or two water bottles to work and stick it in the fridge here while sipping on it continuously.  It’s true that juice is best once freshly made but if you keep it refrigerated it can last up to 24 hours.

This was yesterday’s meal:

Breakfast juice:

5 carrots, 1-2 beets, 1 sweet potato (yes you can juice sweet potatoes)

Big Lunch juice:

7 leaves of dinosaur kale, 3 brussel sprouts (I juice anything and everything), 3 apples.  I juice all of those then I mix the green juice in the blender with three very ripe bananas.  I use bananas because unlike other fruits, their sugars are distributed in your body slowly so you get hungry less.  Another reason I use bananas is because kale and swiss chard and other leafy greens that are super good for you taste like chlorophyll (which isn’t very tasty) and bananas are great at masking the taste especially ripe ones.

Dinner:

Avocado Cilantro Soup (this is all blended and NOT juiced):

2 avocados

Spinach

Juice of one lime

Cilantro

1 bunch of green onions

CHEAT SHEET:

So perhaps a couple of days during the week my crazy schedule catches up with me and I wake up a little late or perhaps I forget my juice in the fridge and don’t realize it until hunger strikes on the bus.  Here are some tips for such occasions:

·         I work downtown and there are a few places that make fresh juice.  I have them memorized and head there on my lunch break.

·         In my neighborhood, the café down the street juices fresh orange and carrot juice.  If I woke up late, I’ll run to the café and get a small orange juice for breakfast and a large carrot juice for lunch.

·         Out and about?  Asian restaurants that offer smoothies generally can make you fresh juice or smoothies with only fruit and water or ice when you’re in a juice bind.

·         Some health food stores have juice bars.

·         Many Middle Eastern restaurants have juicers.

·         Worst case scenario includes you picking up some Naked brand juice – make sure to review all ingredients to make sure it’s 100% fruits and vegetables only.

·         Jamba Juice can make you some fruit juices but they are not the best providers of vegetable juices.

·         Hit up your neighborhoods Farmer’s Market on the weekends so you have ingredients for the week.  Don’t be afraid to juice new things for the first time.  Juicing is a great way to experiment with new fruits and vegetables!

·         Enjoy your fresh juice and the experience!

If you are interested in juice fasting here are some better resources, links and books that I recommend:

Watch this documentary: Fat Sick & Nearly Dead

On Green Juicing

This is a comprehensive site with information on various types of juice fasting including the Master Cleanse which I previously did. The organization of the site isn't too user friendly but if you poke around a bit there's some good information.

These books have provided me with basic information and recipes:

Juicing, Fasting and Detoxing for Life by Cherie Calbom MS

The Green Smoothie Revolution: The Radical Leap Towards Natural Health by Victoria Boutenko

Day 19: Staying out of Hospitals

One thing very few people know about me is that I HATE hospitals.  Yes, I know no one really likes them but I think I hate them more than most people.  I loathe the smell.  I hate watching the half dead – their yellowed faces waiting in wheelchairs attached to complicated machines, the tubes of fluids, white coats, white walls….all of it.  You walk in there and it’s as though you've crossed between the world of the living and the world of the dead.  I’m particularly sensitive to this change.

I had a meeting at a hospital this past week.  In a weird way it reminded me of why I’m fasting.

My mother thinks that I’m doing it to lose weight  but it’s not about the weight.  Dropping weight is definitely a welcome side effect but not the purpose.  The reason is so that I don’t end up between worlds: in purgatory with white walls and white coats.  I’m doing this fast for my health.

Allow me to explain: I don’t have many fears.  Spiders could crawl all over my skin, I’m not afraid of walking around in dark forests at night – I find it riveting.  I have lived alone in deserts, owned snakes etc.  One thing I do fear is not being in control of my body or health.  I fear cancer; diseases so severe I cannot cure them of my own accord.  I fear having to be bedridden in the world of the half dead.

I strongly believe and have always believed that what we put into our bodies creates health or disease.  I became a vegetarian when I was 15.  When I was 18 I explored veganism (poorly – do not do this when you don’t know about nutrition and are living off dorm food).  The past few years I’ve teetered back into eating the occasional poultry dish (but never beef or pork) while remaining primarily a pescetarian.

One thing we don’t think about nearly enough is that the meat you eat today is not the same meat that your grandfather ate on his farm.  The fruits and vegetables you enjoy today are not the same that your great grandparents grew.  These are chemical-laden products produced for mass consumption and profit.

Here’s some food for thought: if you don’t drink organic milk chances are you are being exposed to the Bovine Growth Hormone (BGH), an artificial hormone given to cows to increase dairy production.  The United States of America is the ONLY industrialized nation where milk produced with the aid of BGH is allowed to be sold for human consumption (thank you Monsanto lobbyists).  Let’s think about this – rapid growth means rapid cell production.  Rapid cell production…isn’t that like cancer? 

Beef cows get treated with similar hormones to develop more meat because more meat = more $$.  We’ve all seen the heart breaking videos of chickens with overdeveloped breasts that they topple over.  Yes, you may say I’m crazy for fasting for 40 days and detoxifying my body by living off fresh vegetable and fruit juices, but considering you just had Burger King for dinner (and some hormones that probably cause cancer), maybe I’m not so crazy after all. 

The idea of a juice detox or any fasting detoxification program is to give your digestive system a break.  A liquid diet saves it the energy and constant work of digesting your food so your body’s energy can be spent on cleaning out the other organs, revitalizing cells, etc.  Juicing maintains 95% of the nutrients from the fruit or vegetable which means your body gets tons of micro nutrients to help your cells stay healthy.

So perhaps I am crazy or perhaps I'll avoid hospital beds and machinery a little bit better than others.  I can only hope.

The Fast: Day 16 - The Challenges

Today someone asked if I was documenting my fast in any way and I referred this person to the blog.  I suppose not eating is kind of interesting but things are so busy on a day to day I rarely have time to think about it.  I’m starting to wonder where I found the time to eat three meals a day.

I am juice fasting after complete ten days of The Master Cleanse.  It's much easier on the body.

Altogether today marks the 16^th day of fasting which means I’m 40% done with the fast!  That in itself is crazy to think about.  Sixteen days without any solid food is pretty intense and the longest I’ve gone.  This time I’m kind of on autopilot when it comes to fasting.  I’m not thinking about it as I have in the past: like a scientist to my own body, tracking measurements, the color of my tongue; any new developments with my skin.  I’m noticing only when I’m forced to instead of a hyperawareness of my body that marked my past fasting endeavors.

There have been moments where I’m at a party and feel a pang of hunger and walk up to the snack table only to remember: oh yeah…I’m fasting..then I reach for the water instead. 

The fast hasn’t been as much of a drag on my social life as I thought it would.  I have so much energy that I’m still going out until late dancing with friends or meeting people for some tea or a long walk by the lake. 

In terms of how I feel: I feel fine.  I feel good.  Anyone feels great when they drop a couple of pounds, have more energy, wake up refreshed enough to not need caffeine, make fresh fruit and vegetable juice daily and refrain from alcohol for a while.

Here have been the most difficult things:

• Hearing people talk about food
• You never notice how much people love food until you abstain from it.  People discuss food all the time, whether it be a new restaurant, new recipes, what they ate that day.  It’s unavoidable and terribly annoying for me right now although I have been getting this weird kick out of watching people eat their meals.  As we’ve discussed, I’m a masochist so perhaps that’s why.
• Television – enemy #1
• No wonder America is obese.  Commercials are absolutely ridiculous for food and the worst types of food too like frozen super processed foods or fast food.  How they make something so disgusting look so damn delicious is beyond me.  Watching television is challenging.
• It’s fall!
• I love fall.  It’s my favorite season.  I love the leaves that change color.  I love the crisp air.  I love fall colors.  I love wearing a variety of different knee high leather boots daily.  I love the smell of outside.  I love needing a light jacket.  Most of all, fall reminds me of warm apple cider spiked with rum, delicious merlots and pinot noir tastings at wineries, apple picking and warm hearty FOOD.  It’s hard to fast during my favorite season.  Good thing I’ll be done with this by October.  Bring on the squash and zucchini with a lovely glass of Cabernet!
• “I’ll just have some club soda with lime.”
• Guilty! A friend ordered a vodka martini with blue cheese stuffed olives (these are my favorites) and I pathetically asked if I could lick an olive or two.  Good thing he was pretty drunk to care.  It also sucks to see all your friends getting buzzed and having an amazing old time and you’re the only one still sober.  Hanging out with people who are drinking is only fun when there’s some great music to dance to.  The plus side of this is that I now realize I don’t have to drink to have a good time. Why do I feel like an alcoholic when I say that? 
• “Let’s do lunch soon!”
• Uh…can we do tea instead?  How about water?  Business meetings are challenging when you attend a luncheon or dinner.  It’s easy enough to grab some club soda and pretend it’s a gin and tonic but you can’t really fake not eating.  In this case, honesty is the best policy so people don’t feel rude eating while you refrain.  Fasting can be very awkward in this type of setting.  Best to avoid it, but 40 days is a long time and September is Hispanic Heritage Month which means tons of events.
• It’s also very challenging to have to explain yourself and your reasons to people you’ve just met in a business setting as well.  I think I dislike that part the most.  Especially because everyone has an opinion regarding what you choose to do with your own body and everyone thinks they know more too.  Gauging individuals' reactions does become a test of character though.  That part I do find interesting.

 More updates on juicing soon!

The Fast: Day 7 - Deleting Facebook Friends

I cannot tell you how good this cinnamon tea smells right now.  It has been a full week since I stopped eating solid foods.  I find myself walking around my neighborhood smelling the fresh tortillas being cooked just for the pleasure of it.  This weekend I’ve watched numerous individuals eat delicious food while I sat back sipping my lemonade, admiring the texture of the food; noticing how people were eating way too fast and feeling very curious.

People have been asking me exactly how I’m able to not eat for long periods of time.  I’m not sure how but I can tell you this: I HATE everyone on Facebook that feels the need to post pictures of their delicious amazing food!!  F***ERS! Seriously?!  Does everyone find it necessary to take pictures of their food before eating it?   Those are the people that will soon be deleted from my friends list.  You’ve been warned.

Just kidding, I mean, I’m like Jesus when he fasted, experiencing nothing but moments of clarity and epiphany.  I haven’t been dreaming of pasta with scallops, shrimp and a spicy marinara sauce.  I haven’t been missing my regular whiskey or red wine.

Why do I torture myself by adding this picture?  I am a serious masochist..

I’ve actually been doing really well – in the past when I’ve done the Master Cleanse the detox symptoms were very unbearable.  I would experience headaches from the lack of caffeine the first day, extreme fatigue, extreme hunger pains etc.  This time around I’m going to parties until 2a.m. and dancing while watching people eat pizza and chips with hummus.  I’m working out every single day and trying new machines at the gym because I have so much energy.  I’m staying up late and getting up early.  I’m focused and my mind is very clear.  My olfactory sense is sharpened.  Colors seem brighter.  In short, I feel fantastic.  A little hungry maybe, but I feel good.

One of my yoga teachers will make us get into the most uncomfortable and difficult positions and then hold it for 5 – 10 breaths.  Usually, this is the part of the class that I’m silently cursing her very existence in my head and asking myself why on earth I decided to come to this stupid class anyway while my whole body begins to shake.  This is when she says to “smile through it.”  Having no other resort I listen and smile.  Then it doesn’t seem so hard after all.

I’m not saying this hasn’t been hard.  It is hard, but I guess I’m taking my yoga teacher's advice and smiling through it.  Taking it one breath at a time and deleting friends on Facebook.  J  Just kidding.

33 more days to go!

THE PLAN: 40 Day Fast

THE PLAN

I haven’t eaten solid food in four days.  That’s right, no morsel of cheese, fruit, rice, chocolate or even coffee has passed these lips in four days.

My plan is to fast for a total of forty days.  Maybe I have a Jesus complex or maybe I’m just crazy.  Perhaps I should explain myself.

I started doing the Master Cleanse Fast about five years ago when I first started getting into alternative health practices.  The Master Cleanse is essentially this:

• Raw lemon juice
• Organic grade B maple syrup (more nutrients than Grade A)
• And cayenne pepper

All mixed with natural spring water or filtered water with as much non-caffeinated herbal tea as you want and a laxative taken every morning and every evening.  Sounds delicious no?  The master cleanse is to be done at minimum 8 days with a recommended 10 days.  My plan is to do 10 days and then an additional 30 days of juice fasting.  I would like to clarify that this is not a water fast where you consume no calories a day.  This is a fast where you are consuming between 1,000 – 1,600 calories a day – it’s a liquid diet.  This is how I’ve been able to go to work, exercise and participate in social and business events/meetings without any adverse affects for the past four days.

Juice fasting is a less severe version of the Master Cleanse and nutritionally robust fast.  It will be my first time doing it and as such I don’t know too much about it other than the basics which is this:

• Buy a bunch of fruits and vegetables
• Put them in a juicer (but don’t mix fruits with veggies or vice versa and voila!  Breakfast, lunch and dinner are served – in a glass.It’s essentially like eating all raw – in liquid form.

The longest fast I’ve ever done was 13 days and my blog originated from documenting the fast.  We are coming full circle.  No doubt fasting for 40 days will challenge me in so many ways.  This is like a death wish to my social life.  Ever notice most of our social activities revolve around food or drinking - both of which I can't do?

Whenever I tell people I am fasting, they get tense and ask me all sorts of questions and then tell me that what I am doing is unhealthy for me.  I’m not a doctor and neither are they usually, but I can tell you this:

• I feel amazing when I fast.
• I have so much clarity.
• I have a lot of energy.

Best of all, I enter into this zen-like calm; a euphoric state where I forget my body and become closer to all that is consciousness and more than that, all that is love.  I start to see my higher self. (whoa, Jen come back to earth) – nah, it’s much nicer here…

A disclaimer: I am not doing this to lose weight.  Before starting this fast I had lost twenty pounds through changing my diet and exercising.  The weight loss of course, is definitely nice side effect, but overall I am doing this for me.  I can’t take off to Mexico to meditate in a cave for three days straight so maybe this is the next best thing.

P.S. I know people think they are looking out for you when they try to tell you what is “healthy” and “unhealthy” but before you start typing comments below regarding what you THINK – do some research – some hard, cold research.  People have been fasting for thousands of years (not to mention in prehistoric times food was not readily available and our bodies are adapted to be able to support fasting).  Animals fast naturally when they are sick.  You might take off on a vacation from work to clear your head.  You might sleep or rest your body after a grueling work out but what about our digestive system?  Doesn’t it seem unnatural to NEVER give it a break?

Summer in the City

I know, I know….I’m sorry I haven’t blogged in a while.  It’s funny though, I forget people actually read this thing until I stop writing on it for a little while and then have people writing me emails or seeing me and saying “Hey what’s the deal with your blog?  Dammit woman, WRITE!!”  Just kidding, they don’t say that last bit, but I know that’s what they mean.

Allow me to explain:  it is summertime in Chicago.  It’s this rare and fleeting season where everyone is social and out and about, myself included.  There are street festivals, music festivals, endless parties and I’ve been quite the social butterfly.  

Summer in the city and there’s cleavage cleavage cleavage.

I am dedicating this post to Chicago and its summer splendor.

There is this sense of adventure in the air every time the humidity hits you at night.  As the warm wind caresses your cheek you forget you’re in a huge city and are transported to a kinder place.  You let your guard down; you let your hair loose.  The nights seem endless not only because you have all the 4 a.m. bars memorized, but also because everyone is in the mood to be social and be seen.

You see friends you haven’t seen in years walking down the street; you pitch a spot at some music festival and make new ones.  There is a romance to the summer that isn’t captured at any other season.  The time stops, the days turn into nights with such an easy transition you almost miss the red sunset.

Then of course, there’s the city in all of her glory.  Rooftop parties give way to a postcard snapshot of the Chicago Skyline lit up like candles on birthday cakes.  As the humidity increases your dreams intensify, colors seem brighter, your friends: more beautiful.  You embrace chance encounters and passionate conversations while refilling your vodka tonic.  You don’t know the song but you keep dancing to it anyway, waiting for the rhythm to switch and make you feel new again, like you’ve never done this before.

 The night is yours.  You own it but can never tame it.  You thrive in its wilderness, the ignorance of where this night will take you, to whom the lake breeze blows you.  Summer in the city is swinging in the park at 2 a.m. and letting your wet skin breath in the night air with your good friends.  It’s an ice cold beer over some old buddies at a barbeque.  It’s a big bite of fresh mangoes and peaches with the juice running down your chin.  It’s a first kiss with a stranger.  It’s a moment so precious and beautiful.  It’s fleeting.

That being said, I’ll get back to my regular blogging in the fall.  Thanks for your understanding.

Love,

Jen