I'm Still Angry

In my dreams I am victorious

I am not just a kid

My innocence abounding

Still silly and giddy

Unaware of my womanly body

I am not meeting your pretty girlfriend

The next day; glaring at my bruised wrists

Seething and terrified at the sight of you

Lumps of rage forming in my throat

You are not luring me outside

‘cause you need “to talk”

You are not forcing my body

Against the fence and reveling in my struggle

You are not telling me

Not to worry about having your baby

You are not stronger than me

With alcohol on your breath

You are not pushing your lips on mine

You are not holding my hands down hard

You are not telling me you’ve never liked American girls

Quite the way you like me

In my dreams I am victorious

I am luring you out to the alleyway

Giving you that come hither look with my eyes

I am standing provocative fingering my pocket knife

I am letting you take control while I take a slice

I am strong and fierce and oh so grown

I am aware of my surroundings despite this foreign soil

I am speaking your language succinctly

I am telling you not to worry; I don’t want your baby

You are shocked at the sight of your blood

You are humiliated in your own terror

You are wise enough to start to run

You are the same as me now; untrusting

I am not still so angry a decade later

I am not wandering in alleyways and parking lots

Looking for men that look like you as I’m fingering

my knife; seeking redemption in the form of revenge

I will always say I’m a pacifist except

In the case that I should see you again

I’ll give you that come hither look with my eyes

Lure you into an alley for a night you won’t soon forget

Come here and let me show you

Just how much I’ve grown

Just how much I’ve grown

In my dreams I am victorious