How To Attract Creepy and or Crazy Men

Why is it that the guys I seem to attract are crazy, creepy or just wrong altogether? I think I have identified key factors about myself that may be contributing to this:
 
How to attract crazy and creepy men:

• Talk about living with wolves.
• Be obsessed with dead baby jokes. (Although I have seriously made some progress here...)
• Go to bars by yourself just to sit and draw or write poems.
• Wear feathers in your hair.
• Talk about your passionate love for chess.
• Be slightly domineering and assertive (for some reason, crazy and creepy men love strong women).
• Be open-minded (to the point of allowing weird conversations go on way too long).
• Have crazy parents to begin with that are at fault for placing you on the path to being accustomed to crazy behavior from others. (read here for more background)

How to be a creepy and or crazy man:

• Buy me Barbies for my 27th birthday (this is never an OK thing to do for ANY adult woman’s birthday).
• Stare at me every single time I get up to go to the restroom in the hallways of my office.
• Now this particular person has graduated to saying hello. I don’t respond. No one likes to STARED at every time they go to the restroom.
• Take pictures of my apartment when I am not there.
• Ask me to kiss you after asking me if I have ecstasy pills on me.
• L.A. clubs are kind of crazy. Do I look like I have drugs? Seriously…
• Love Jesus a little too much and or think I am going to Hell. (please see here)
• Ask me to wear my hair a particular way prior to going out with you (yep, didn’t end up going out with him after that).

Sadly, all of those things mentioned above REALLY did happen to me. Even sadder is that there hasn’t been a normal instance to balance any of the creepy crazy instances out. Disillusionment and fear is settling in rather quickly.

Men are like chess pieces...

but I still love them.

The deeper into the game I get, the more real life examples I see of why it’s imperative to understand the nature of the game. 

Chess is all about strategy.  When I play I think of all the great leaders throughout history like Ghengis Khan and Machiavelli.  You will always have your pawns that help position you; the powerhouses like the rooks, your unexpected secret weapons like the knights and those who just beg to be crossed like the bishops.  How you play them is what matters; really – how you set the stage for the next thing to happen that’s important.

Lessons I’m slowly learning about dating from chess:

1. Be deliberate.  This means being strategic about what you’re doing and having a sense of what your next moves will be.
2. Learn the basics.  You can’t do anything advanced if you don’t know the basic rules that apply. 
3. Make every move count.
4. The Queen is the key protector of the King.  The Queen possesses all the power and can maneuver every which way.
5. Know your opponent – never underestimate your opponent.
6. PATIENCE.  The game of chess takes time – sometimes games last hours. 
7. Kill your opponent until he is dead