We Live in Public

For the past few years I've gone to a documentary film festival called the True False Film Festival in Columbia, Missouri.

In 2009, I was introduced to a powerful documentary about the future of this digital landscape we live in called We Live in Public.  In the film, the protagonist, Josh Harris, a dot-com visionary who has been penned the “Nostradamus of the internet,” creates an experiment where dozens of volunteers in New York City live underground for an entire year with food, alcohol, living quarters and even a firing range all provided to them.  The catch is that everything they do is videotaped – from their showers to their sex lives.  These brave souls agreed to be filmed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week for an entire year.

Harris predicted sites like Facebook and Hulu before they ever existed.  In the film, Harris says “Years ago the lions and tigers were kings of the jungle and one day they wound up in zoos, I suspect we’re on the same track.”

I bring up this film because Harris, as crazy as he was (and oh, he was CRAZY) did have a point about the future of technology.  We currently DO live in public.  And, it’s not going away. 

Sure, you can choose to not participate in sites like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Linked In, Google Plus and the countless others I can name (wait, you’re reading my blog, right?) but when was the last time you googled something?  Ever notice how you were searching for some winter boots and then all of sudden you’re checking your Gmail account and an advertisement for winter boots comes up?  Very few people living in modern society can manage to live off the digital grid and frankly, I don’t think it’s such a horrible thing.

Social media has been blamed for many a scandal: political, business, personal etc. Yet, I have to wonder, being the optimist I am, what if we embraced living in public?  What if we aligned ourselves with those things that are honest and preserve the integrity to who we are as people?  What if we allowed our Facebook feeds and Twitter feeds to provide a glimpse into who that is and utilized these new mediums to form communities instead of feeding our ever growing narcissism? 

A social media professor once said, “If there is something that you say or do that you’d be ashamed of if it showed up online, then don’t do it and don’t say it.”  Shouldn’t we be doing that anyway?  Shouldn’t we strive to live good, ethical and honorable lives?  Is transparency so radical an idea?  We all are the first to fight for transparency when it comes to government funds and corporate board rooms, but what about ourselves?  What are we so afraid of?

We will make mistakes, quite possibly publicly, but maybe instead of judging others so harshly for their mistakes we will learn to be more empathetic and understanding of one another.

More about Harris here:

Trailer for the film:

Mastering Me

"If you want to learn something, read about it. If you want to understand something, write about it. If you want to master something, teach it.” 

– Yogi Bhajan

 “I practice [yoga] to deal with my own bullshit so that nobody else has to.”
 – Callie Munson, yoga instructor

Callie’s words resonated with me as I walked out of class last night.  In less than two weeks I start my yoga teacher training.  Much has been written about the benefits of yoga such as the meditative aspects to reduce stress or the physical fitness obtained from regular practice.  I come to yoga for those benefits too, but they aren’t what drive me to practice.

I keep coming back to the mat because I learn something new every time I’m on it.  I consider it a self study both physically and emotionally.  In the best of states, I am the quiet observer of my mind during a challenging pose; witnessing my thought processes as I struggle to hold a pose.  Am I kind to myself?  Am I playing a tape on loop that’s unkind to my body?  Am I a perfectionist?  Am I settling for less than the best? As I breathe deeper into the pose I ask myself: why?  Why am I unkind? Why am I rushing through the moment?  Why am I not fully present?  Why am I not giving myself this moment to be the best version of me through the struggle and the challenge?

My practice builds character.  It allows me a glimpse into my inner psyche so that I am armed with the knowledge to be a better person.  I practice to become a noble woman; one who takes responsibility for herself fully so that my issues don’t become someone else’s.  I practice to honor my divinity so to witness everyone else’s divinity with graciousness and humility.

Yoga challenges me to be accountable.  It pushes me to work harder to get past my ego.  It teaches me how to maintain tranquility in moments of calamity.  It shows me how to be grateful for the small things: your leg lifting a centimeter higher than it did the week before, holding the pose for eight breaths instead of six, or that cool breeze hitting your face as your sweat hits the mat.

My practice reminds me that my personal success doesn’t have to be measured in milestones, but rather in the day to day; like giving my lunch to the man I saw digging through the trash or not playing that same soundtrack in my head when things go wrong that is wrought with guilt and violence towards myself. 

I practice to have mastery over myself.

Namaste 

Taking the Leap: Leap Year 2012

“People have (with the help of conventions) oriented all their solutions toward the easy and toward the easiest side of the easy; but it is clear that we must hold to what is difficult; everything alive holds to it, everything in Nature grows and defends itself in its own way and is characteristically and spontaneously itself, seeks at all costs to be so and against all opposition.  We know little, but that we must hold to what is difficult in a certainty that will not forsake us; it is good to be solitary, for solitude is difficult; that something is difficult must be a reason the more for us to do it.”

-Rainer Maria Rilke

Full excerpt here.

I’ve been meditating on Rilke’s words a lot.  People do have a tendency towards the easiest path.  We tend to like what we are good at and build up those strengths while neglecting our weaker skills and compensating with our strengths because it’s easy.

Crow Pose

I’m horrible at yoga.  (I know, I know, how can anyone be horrible at yoga?  It’s the most noncompetitive form of physical activity in existence, but I am!)  I’m awkward and completely lack the grace that most yoginis have when flowing into poses.  Sometimes I still confuse my left with my right, I fall out of balance and my crow has repeatedly kissed the earth and not in a good way.

So, clearly, I should become a yoga teacher, right?!  Totally!

I can never just wade into the water and gradually go in; I’ve got to dive in each time.  As such, I just handed in my expensive nonrefundable deposit this past week towards a yoga teacher training certification program – equivalent to getting a Bachelor’s in Yoga and now there is no going back.

Back in February, I thought about how 2012 is a Leap Year and then I stumbled upon this Leap Year project site and wanted something to contribute.  I think this is it.  My training begins this September and goes until my 29^th birthday in February.  I’ve done some pretty wild things in my life from living with wolves to fasting for 40 days to being a full time solo wanderer unsure of where I’d lay my head the next night, but I have to say I think this is the scariest thing I’ve ever done in my life.

I’ve never been much of an athlete and my relationship with my body, though it has evolved thanks to my yoga practice, has been a tumultuous one.  Committing myself to teaching a physical practice to others is incredibly intimidating and scary, yet I absolutely feel it is the next step in my own personal evolution.

I’m diving into the difficult, wrapping myself around my weaknesses and hoping to come out of this a better human, or in the least, knowing my right from my left.

The Evolution of Beauty

“Youth is beauty, money is beauty, beauty is beauty sometimes…”

-Ani DiFranco

We are brought up in a society that values the physical beauty of a woman sometimes more than other attributes such as intelligence, sensitivity, artistic ability or athleticism.  Often times women who are first or second generation in the U.S. fare worse with this because our active mother/father cultures tend to be more misogynistic. 

But you knew this.  You went to high school and you remember who the pretty popular people were, right?  They weren’t super cool because they had a bad case of acne.

We all know that story so I won’t tell it here.  What I do want to share is this: I am less concerned with being pretty; I want to be powerful. 

I’m not talking power in the western sense i.e. political power.  I’m talking the power of knowing yourself and your own merits without having to have anyone else validate them.  I’m talking about the power to know that your legs will carry you through rough roads because you’re strong and finding the beauty in that even if it doesn’t look like a postcard.  I’m talking about evolution. 

Know thyself, friends.

The Yoga Project: The Beginning of my Destruction (Day 4)

Something happened to me in class tonight.  Yoga happened.  (dun dun dun – insert melodramatic orchestra here).

I left class crying and feeling defeated.  It will take more than a simple blog-post to fully comprehend what is happening to me.  I believe it's transformation.

The word “transformation” seems to be this ethereal new age term that cannot be explained in a pragmatic manner.  That is precisely how I feel about my strong emotional reaction to a physical practice.  Yoga is hard, much more difficult than many things that I’ve done and emotionally, I’ve barely scratched the surface.

There is a saying about destruction being necessary in order to rebuild (rebirth).  I believe I’m currently in the destructive phase right now.  I can only hope the plans I lay out after this phase are better than what I am currently in the process of destroying.

Through this I am realizing what yoga really is.  It is a challenging practice.  It is rigorous for your mind and body.  Yoga is a mindset, it is not a destination, it is not a competition, and it is far more than I understand right now.  It is powerful.

There’s something to be said about finding your breath through the discomfort of this process and being able to hold the pose.  I feel as though I am going to be here for a while. 

The Fast: Day 35 - Pure Determination and Grit

I hate to say it, but I’m pretty cranky today.  We had a staff meeting today and it was someone’s birthday.  This means I had to sit in front of a chocolate cake from Portillo’s the WHOLE MEETING.  Then we had a staff lunch so I had to watch all of my coworkers chow down on some delicious looking sandwiches...and then the cake.

Today is my 35^th day and I know I only have 5 more days to go, but I’m getting really sick of fasting and I the only thing that is getting me through it at this point is pure grit and a commitment I made to myself to do 40 days.

I’m really hungry.  Furthermore, I’m so tired of carrying these water bottles of juice with me everywhere I go.  I miss glasses of wine and being able to taste new things (other than fruits and veggies). 

My body is ready to return to solid foods again, but I’m not prepared yet.  I have an idea of the lifestyle changes that will need to follow this fast, but I need to get my head in the right place.  I don’t want to gain back much weight or lose any of the health benefits of this fast.

I’d like to delve into those benefits now and uncover for you what gets me through fasting:

Clear Skin:  My face looks and feels amazing.  People have commented on a certain “glow” I have and I’m definitely attributing it to the fast.  You’d glow too if all you ever consumed was fresh fruit and vegetable juices.  Of course I did have to go through some bad skin days prior to this – as part of the detox.

More energy:  You’d think that on a 40 day fast I’d be starving and bedridden or tired but I generally feel great from the moment I wake up in the morning.  I have a consistent energy throughout the day and an alertness as though I’d consumed three espressos minus the jitters.  My mind is clear and my body feels great too. 

Weight loss: this is a given, right?  On my 35^th day of the fast I am down 22 pounds since starting, which means 42 pounds since April.  My old clothes from college fit again (even a little big).  Of course other things result when you feel better about how your exterior looks such as more confidence, better fashion decisions and some high credit card bills from the new clothes that look so cute on you now.

Zen: I feel really peaceful and have felt a lot more balanced than usual.  I sometimes can be slightly erratic in my energy levels but with this I feel a sense of calm always.  It’s quite nice actually.

“Can do” Mentality: I just fasted for 35 days!!  Yeah I can get into that yoga pose.  Sure I never have run in my life but yeah, I’mma run your 5k.  Why?  Because I can!

It’s not all peaches and cream.  There are moments, like now, where I have to remind myself of why I am doing this; where I have to make a mental list of the benefits.  I do get hungry.  I miss cooking, eating, drinking, etc.  I especially miss partaking in these activities with friends and family. There is a sense of isolation when you are fasting despite when you are with people.  It’s as though society is all doing one thing (eating regularly) and you’re not a part of it. 

It reminds me of how important cooking was to past societies.  We didn’t develop language until we had fire.**  Some anthropologists attribute this to sitting around fires to cook our food.  Food is such an integral part of being human.  No other species uses language like us and no other species cook their food.  Sharing it with others is even more so. 

Proponents of fasting say you stop getting hungry once you start fasting and it’s true to an extent, but you never really get over the hunger – it just passes in waves.  Also, juice is filling.  I never thought I would say that but I can drink fresh fruit or vegetable juice and feel very full.

There have been some moments where I almost ate.  I’m not perfect and this is difficult, but I didn’t because I realized that I would only be failing myself.  I told myself 40 days and I will complete 40 days and as hard as this is I am seeing the end of the tunnel clearer and clearer.  Five more days to go!  I’d like to say that I am grateful for anyone who has provided me support and encouragement during this time.  It really did/does help.

**I'm fact checking on the language emergence coinciding with the fire/cooking bit.  I remember it from an anthropology class but don't quote me.  Feel free to comment/correct me below.

THE PLAN: 40 Day Fast

THE PLAN

I haven’t eaten solid food in four days.  That’s right, no morsel of cheese, fruit, rice, chocolate or even coffee has passed these lips in four days.

My plan is to fast for a total of forty days.  Maybe I have a Jesus complex or maybe I’m just crazy.  Perhaps I should explain myself.

I started doing the Master Cleanse Fast about five years ago when I first started getting into alternative health practices.  The Master Cleanse is essentially this:

• Raw lemon juice
• Organic grade B maple syrup (more nutrients than Grade A)
• And cayenne pepper

All mixed with natural spring water or filtered water with as much non-caffeinated herbal tea as you want and a laxative taken every morning and every evening.  Sounds delicious no?  The master cleanse is to be done at minimum 8 days with a recommended 10 days.  My plan is to do 10 days and then an additional 30 days of juice fasting.  I would like to clarify that this is not a water fast where you consume no calories a day.  This is a fast where you are consuming between 1,000 – 1,600 calories a day – it’s a liquid diet.  This is how I’ve been able to go to work, exercise and participate in social and business events/meetings without any adverse affects for the past four days.

Juice fasting is a less severe version of the Master Cleanse and nutritionally robust fast.  It will be my first time doing it and as such I don’t know too much about it other than the basics which is this:

• Buy a bunch of fruits and vegetables
• Put them in a juicer (but don’t mix fruits with veggies or vice versa and voila!  Breakfast, lunch and dinner are served – in a glass.It’s essentially like eating all raw – in liquid form.

The longest fast I’ve ever done was 13 days and my blog originated from documenting the fast.  We are coming full circle.  No doubt fasting for 40 days will challenge me in so many ways.  This is like a death wish to my social life.  Ever notice most of our social activities revolve around food or drinking - both of which I can't do?

Whenever I tell people I am fasting, they get tense and ask me all sorts of questions and then tell me that what I am doing is unhealthy for me.  I’m not a doctor and neither are they usually, but I can tell you this:

• I feel amazing when I fast.
• I have so much clarity.
• I have a lot of energy.

Best of all, I enter into this zen-like calm; a euphoric state where I forget my body and become closer to all that is consciousness and more than that, all that is love.  I start to see my higher self. (whoa, Jen come back to earth) – nah, it’s much nicer here…

A disclaimer: I am not doing this to lose weight.  Before starting this fast I had lost twenty pounds through changing my diet and exercising.  The weight loss of course, is definitely nice side effect, but overall I am doing this for me.  I can’t take off to Mexico to meditate in a cave for three days straight so maybe this is the next best thing.

P.S. I know people think they are looking out for you when they try to tell you what is “healthy” and “unhealthy” but before you start typing comments below regarding what you THINK – do some research – some hard, cold research.  People have been fasting for thousands of years (not to mention in prehistoric times food was not readily available and our bodies are adapted to be able to support fasting).  Animals fast naturally when they are sick.  You might take off on a vacation from work to clear your head.  You might sleep or rest your body after a grueling work out but what about our digestive system?  Doesn’t it seem unnatural to NEVER give it a break?

The Earth is but one country; and mankind its citizens

Blogs this week are more picturesque while I contemplate the meaning of life.

I love traveling to different places and going to see the places of worship.  Locally, my favorite temple is the Baha'i Temple.  If I ever were to get married I would want to get married here (although I really don't think that they allow weddings here).  The detail is magnificent and unfortunately camera on my phone does not do this place justice so please go here for better pictures.

The symbol here means "O Glory of the All Glorious"

I love this place because it's welcoming of everyone, there is a strong interconnectedness between human beings no matter where we come from or our spiritual background here.  There's an openness and quiet peace you feel as you enter the temple.  

The Baha'i religion recognizes all major religions and combines the key teachings of each.

There is this quote inscribed in one of the columns that I love: The Earth is but one country; and mankind its citizens.

Of course an Aquarian would post something like this...

I credit my Aquarian friend, Elli, for finding the link.